Justforkix

Re-energized

2008-07-24T14:35:00.000+05:30

After a long hiatus, I've decided to blog again... And suddenly why? It's rather simple! I'm bored - and nothing better than to write. I'm have a great job, and I come home to my parents, home-cooked food, washed clothes, made-up beds.. In short very little I can ask more for. Except that I am completely undoubtedly totally bored...

And so, sitting last night I hatched a plan - Something new every 100 hours. I run on a countdown timer, which gets reset - and the objective is rather simple. Ground rules are as follows:

a) Meet people you haven't met before
b) Go see places you haven't seen
c) Read books you haven't heard
d) Listen to songs you haven't heard ever
e) Do things I have never done
f) Taste food I haven't tasted before
--To sum it up, anything and everything new goes...

And what better than to keeping track of through my blog!

So let the crazy ride begins!

HOLDING MY HEAD HIGH

2006-05-04T11:26:00.000+05:30

Question: What happens when you are seduced by images of colours and laughter anf fun and frolic, beguiled by the thrills of watching the trapeze artist swing high above or the fire-eater spout the living flames, when you fancy the music and masks beckoning you?

Answer : You get to wear a pink nose - just like me

And so it was one afternoon that I found myself in front of the famous Yuri Nikulin Circus, named after the famous clown there in Moscow, wearing a clowns pink nose in the middle of a park while sereval by-standers looked on.

The bone of contention was should I pose sitting on the lap of the cast-iron clown in the photograph : Thankfully all it took was just a poke upwards..

Loved wearing the nose though : My best souvenier from Moscow... hehe

Not a Good Golly any more

2006-04-05T13:16:00.000+05:30

Given that my blog was started on the note that my nephew was born - now that I do know how to put up pictures on my blog - I felt I must and I absolutely must put up a picture of my darlingest Golly.

Of course, needless to add that he's turned out to be an absolute chimp. A total mishchievous imp of the first order - when I call all the way from Russia, he doesn't let Saraswati speak and instead goes "Mash, Mash, Mash.." and when Saraswati does give the phone for him so that he can speak to his beloved Mash - by then something else would have caught his attention!

What a boy! What a boy!

CAUGHT IN THE WINDS OF CHANGE

2006-04-04T15:21:00.000+05:30

"Follow the Moskva - down to Gorky Park..."

Never had I imagined that I might really get an oppurtunity to really do it.

Misha is in Russia - a Russian nickname, from the moscot of Moscow Olympics, I always wanted to visit Moscow as child and here I am now!

That's in the Red Square - right behind me is the Museum which contains artifacts from all over Russia. Haven't been in there yet and cannot wait to go in.

Over-educated and unemployed

2005-04-28T15:40:00.000+05:30

What does an MBA fresh out of the BSchool do?

It seems to me all I do is cook and keep the house for my Mom.

Northward bound for a summer of hardwork, I figured a good chance to test my culinary abilities was to take over the kitchen for the month I'm totally and absolutely unemployed. It's always been something I enjoyed but never had much of a chance to do - that is a chance without someone looking over my shoulder and going - "Beta, that's not how you stir!" or "Why don't you put do it this way instead of that?"

But it's pure freedom for me as now I have a whole kitchen all to myself..

So what's on the cards tonight??? Pudina aloo, Nawabi Chicken ... and whole lotta fun while making it....

2004-11-04T05:22:00.000+05:30

Life at XLRI sure takes me by surprise - just as everything seemed to have settled into the regular routine (what with a term of a million activities!) - the 1984 riots shook students into a frenzied discussion.

And while I refrain from quoting anybody - here's my take on it.

Maybe it's just time we stopped looking back into the past to just point outmistakes that have been made - there is no undoing them. Maybe it's time weleft caste, creed, religion and all of that behind and just looked at beingan educated human-being as opposed to literate. Maybe to contribute to achange we don't have to start a 'movement' so to speak - but simply do ourparts as a citizen of the country without always putting ourselves first.Can we just do that?

I am a Bengali and am proud to be so. I am an Indian and am proud to be sotoo. I don't believe that just because I am an Hindu, I would have to beanti-Muslim, and that because I am Indian, I have to be anti-Pakistan. Idon't believe that just because I am Bengali - I have to hate othercommunities. I am a human being - and that's what I believe I am first andforemost.

I don't support many things that happen and no, I cannot claim to have done a lot of things to contribute to these sentiments. But I can say I have, at every chance, stopped what I believed was wrong - not because I was a part of a country, or religion but because I am human-being with a sense of rightand wrong and a mind of my own.

I am proud to be who I am - and I am what I am as a function of my ethnic, cultural, religious and educational background. I am proud of them too.

Ramblings

2004-10-05T20:39:00.000+05:30

Of late it seems to me I have plenty of time on my hands. Classes are rolling off my back with no extra effort on my part – except a presentation here or a quiz there. In short, it seems sometimes that eternity hangs heavy on me.

And so I decided to do what makes sense – make the most of my time, and what better than books. I finally got my hands on the Life of Pi, something that I’d been intending to buy for ages and never got around to doing. Anyway, I’m glad I have it now.

I’m barely 40 pages or so into the book and I don’t think I wanna even keep it down for minute. I’m totally hooked onto it. Reminds me of Gerald Durrell – the books I’d absolutely been brought up on a child. As the descriptions of the Zoo fills my head with sights of places I’ve never been to, my mind can’t but help move into the familiar pictures I’d conjured in my head while reading of Gerry’s antics.

Actually that was what made me pause and wonder once again and marvel at how I’ve changed. There was a time I was so passionate about animals – I just wanted to grow up and work with the likes of People for Animals. And here I am now, in a B-school – childhood dreams peddled for “education” and ‘branding” …

I’d been down to Kolkata for the weekend about a fortnight ago. It was good to be back in a city where everything was you. As the sunshine grew stronger, beat upon my head and then faded gently behind the curtain of clouds, it was like a familiar scene being enacted before me – one that reminded me of childhood days, Kolkata Durga Pujas, the crazy bustle and the beats of the ‘dhak’ … I could smell the coming ‘dhuno’ and taste the ‘puchka’ I always have during the pujo from right across my house.

I wished so hard then that I wouldn’t be all alone in a Kolkata for Pujo – the idea seemed so alien and yet such a real possibility. Pujo has always been a time of frantic shopping at New Market with Dad – who would never do anything till the last minute. Of course, Mom would have taken us to the tailors and have some dresses stitched but the last minute shopping, followed by a roll from Nizam was ritual. And then of course – Pujo was synonymous to Maddox Square and Dima’s house. Cousins, dinners and late nights, eating out, pandal-hopping, staying up late night to watch the ‘bhashaan’ – all seem to have faded away.

And now everything has completely changed – especially now even more. I acutely miss the city – and yet I know it’ll never be the same. But somewhere I also know it’ll always be there in my mind – exactly the way it was!

"Amaar neshaye - Kolkata; Amaar peshaaye - Kolkata;
Rokte amaar alok bataash jaagaye Kolkata"

The Fresh Rain

2004-09-23T09:30:00.000+05:30

Somehow sometimes all it takes is a moment - something within you goes snap - and that's it! All the search ends, the past gets lost and the future looks at you in the face. That is the beginning of the end. For when you walk, only then will the quest be over and peace will be found within.

What I face - I don't know. What the future is - I don't question. All I know is I was disintegrated with a purpose: Of integrating myself in a manner so new and unknown and undefined - and yet, marvellously it would still be me.

And so I celebrate today - for once again I am reborn - what a joy!

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
(Albert Einstein)

And let the miracle of discovering life all over again overtake me...

Souveniers from Bombay

2004-09-14T16:48:00.000+05:30

Just back from Bombay after meeting Sparsh - who I have decided is going to be the No.1 man in my life along with Rousseau (my other nephew), I have some amazing souveniers with me from my trip - A collection of poems I wrote inspired by what I saw (who knows, I maybe another William Wordsworth in the making, hehe...)

Anyway, here's one of them - and what inspired me? The name says it all.

MARINE-DRIVE: BOMBAY

Shining, shimmering blue that melts into the sky,
Surf-tipped waves that lap the land; calm serenity meets the eye
Maddening rush of life behind, forgotten in the splendour I greet.
The crescent walk stretches beneath my feet.

A rush of dreams, of promised evening walks,
Hand-in-hand, starry-eyed,
Two young lovers would weave the stars,
Fly the winds beyond the lands.

Just a casual evening-stroll,
While souls entwined and danced with joy
To the rhythm of the universe,
In an everlasting celebration of love.

Hushed voices and kisses hovering on the corner of the lips,
Merry eyes that sparkle in mirth, oblivious to all but one around,
Two bodies fused in one breath
Of three unuttered words.

The sunset in the distant west
Cheeks flushed with rosy hues of tenderness
As the orb sinks into the clam,
Two fires burn with passion, brighter than the sun.

A dull gray twilight and dirty red clouds,
Bright city lights and loud honks,
Colours fade away into reality
And I stand alone again.

The Lost Star-Child

2004-09-10T11:18:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I simply wonder what it is that I am seeking from life. Sometimes I think I know, but of late I don't know at all. Sometimes I think I've simply lost myself in this expanse that we call the Universe... And all of a sudden, as I gaze upon the sea, at the end of day, watching the crimson fade away into the darkening blue - there seems to be no respite.

It seems that someone with a wave of his hand just blotted out the stars... The skies that gave me life, the stars that set me ablaze all seem gone - behind a curtain of clouds. I sat there for long, very long - fighting with the sea, the skies to just see one star, just one star to wish upon for the fire in the star would surely make miracles...

But it seems the whole Universe has conspired - The sea rages, the wind blows, and the earth spins on in everlasting motion and yet no sign of my star-child.

I wonder what it was that I did - for I loved the skies and it gave me a star-child - and then before I knew it, my star-child was gone ...

Could you ever steal a prayer to deny your God
Could you ever buy your love and not count the cost
Could you ever take a life when all was lost
And would it ever be enough

Could you bite the hand that feeds you and then ask for more
Could you kiss the wound that bleeds spit it on the floor
Could you open up your heart then close the door
And would it ever be enough

Every word you whisper
All the tears you hide
You die for love when it's alive
But where does love go when it dies

If you came across your dream would you walk on by
Hold a candle to the wind and just let it die
And is there room inside your mind for one more try
And would it ever be enough

I watch the time go rushing by it's like an ocean wave
Showing you no mercy throwing dirt upon your grave
You're drowning in the darkness and you're blinded by the light
And there ain't no prayer that's gonna save you now

If you woke up from your sleep blood on your hands
Would you wash the pain away no one understands
There must be someone out there who can help you breathe again
And would it ever be enough

Every word you whisper
All the tears you hide
You'll die for love
When it's alive
Where does love go when it dies?

(Where Does Love Go When It Dies, Def Leppard)

Pantheism in my Soul

2004-08-27T12:03:00.000+05:30

As I near this last lap of this this term, with just a few classes left... and a whole lot of exams, it takes me by surprise the way this term has rushed by without me knowing. I wish I knew where it's gone and how... But then I guess that's the marvel of Time: It rushes by when you don't watch it...

Strangely now that I am here sitting thinking about it - in spite of all the crazy mad rush, all I feel is mellow happiness of having had a great term.

I didn't go home at all.. Not even once. By my standards, and past track-record, this indeed is an acheivement - for the same girl who used to run away home every other weekend, didn't go home in almost 3 months...

And so how do I feel...??

I feel wonderful. I feel light, and blithe and happy and feel like dancing with joy. I feel like swaying to the rhythm over-taking me, giving in to the ever-lasting peace I found within.

This has been a time of exploration and I have found peace. This has been a time of coming to terms with myself, with all within and without... And I've found peace and life and joy and vibrant exuberance all in few moments of healing peace, as the I melted into the stars and the skies and cool air and became one with Nature. The green grass, the trembling leaf, the sliver of moon, the silver-tipped clouds... All beckon to me till I fuse into them

And then I want to scream with the sheer exhillaration of the moment and just wonder if I can ever give back to the world in some way some part of this calming splendour that I have found...

Reminds me of my one of my favourite poems...

"For oft when on my couch I lie,
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon the inward eye,
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils."

(William Wordsworth, Daffodils)

Today in the afternoon, I missed a class... And so I went for a walk. I ambled along the familiar road, feeling the wind against my face. The sky was cloudy, with the sun sometimes peeping through in a soft, pale, warm curtain... The wind was strong and raked the dry leaves tumultously... I could see the hills far away, a thin veil of white fog hung round it... And then there was the lush green... With the wind came a smell of earth, and I knew it was raining somewhere... The damp, sweet smell.. so familiar...

Reminded me of home, of hot summer days when the heat would build up into unbearable suffocation.. and then suddenly, from somewhere the rage of the wind would swoop in... Mastering the tall trees, the sturdy iron bill-boards it would play havoc... As I would rush to close the windows before the glass shattered into pieces, the sweet smell would come and fill my soul.. the sweet smell that would fill my soul, .. the sweet smell of two elements that make most earth... from which I have been born...

And cold rain would come slicing down... Large, pelting drops.. and sometimes I would skip onto the terrace, letting the first few drops of water wipe away the heat, the dust, the grime and clean me to the very soul... And then, while I would scramble back to my room after a holler from my mother, suddenly for a split-second the room with the flash of lightning... and the deep rumble would soon follow...

The glory of Nature in all her magnificence...

Right now, sitting here as I am, I'm listening to this Rabindra Sangeet. And as miraculous as the poems/songs of Tagore are, the song seems to re-echo the way I feel about nature… And so, I’d like to share the words with you. It’s a very well-known song… Just that it touches my soul… Here is the song:

"Boro aasha kore eshecchi go kaache deke lao, phirayo na janoni,
Deen-o-heen-e keho chaahe na, tumi taare raakhibe jaani go.
Aar aami je kicchu chaahi ne, charono tole boshe thaakibo,
Aar aami je kicchu chaahi ne, janoni bole shudhu daakibo,
Tumi na raakhile, griho aar paahibo kothaa,
Kende kende kotha beraabo?"

A translation for those who do not know the song or do not understand Bengali:

I've come to you with great hope - accept me. Don't turn me away, my mother. Nobody wants the poor, the sad, the fallen; but I know you will accept them and make them your own, and keep give them a place within your heart. I do not want any thing more than to be able to sit at your feet, worship you and call you 'mother'. If you do not keep me, where will I ever find a home, a place where I accepted? I will have to roam the world to find place for myself, where I am accepted, and where will I ever find such a place? I will never find such a place, and will forever remain hurt and crying.

May every soul find peace in Nature when he can’t find within.

All Children Grow Up. All, except One.

2004-08-07T03:43:00.000+05:30

I was brought up on Peter Pan - I think it started with the collection of Disney books I had.. correction, my sister had, and which was handed down to me. I still remember most of them - Snow White and The Seven Dwarves - Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy, .. forgotten the rest of the names. And then there were the Aristocats .. I used to love the cute little white girl-cat with the pretty pink bow on the collar and lovely long lashes.. The prince in Sleeping Beauty was oh-so handsome, (the next most handsome Disney fairy-tale prince after Cinderella), and then Mowgli and Baloo in the Jungle Book using fire to defeat SherKhan. Of course Bambi was a darling, as was the cute little bunny friend, Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore and Piglet and ofcourse Christopher Robin..

And then there was Peter Pan. I still recall the large yellow hardbound book, with Pan's picture on top - wearing his green suit, and feathered hat and the flute in his hand... And of course Captain Hook. I think I fell in love with him totally when I read the unabridged version by J.M. Barrie.

"All children grow up. All except one." That was the first line of the book. And ever since I've always wanted to fly beyond the stars, beyond the sunset - right into Neverland. I can still close my eyes and imagine the pool of shapeless colours that grows vivid till it dances in the flames, and then disappears before I can glimpse the beauty beyond.

Sometimes I like to believe that within everybody there is a part which never grows up - only some people grow up more than others, and some like me don't grow up at all. I like the thought of growing up - of doing so many things, of falling in love and being with the man I love, of so many nice things that would happen to me, so many beautiful places that I would go to... But if you are observant, you'd understand that to me this is the future, the things yet to come. Somewhere in my mind I haven't yet grown-up and somewhere within me I never will.

"Dreams that in their kernels sleep" - that's my life... Perhaps someday I will have grown up, and someday I'd do all the things my heart desires - after all, "To live would be an adventure"....

Adding my favourite Nursery Rhyme

2004-08-03T12:03:00.000+05:30

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are?
Up above the world so high ,
Like a diamond in the sky.

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle all the night.

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
'Til the sun is in the sky.

As your bright and tiny spark
Lights the traveller in the dark,
Though I know not what you are -
Twinkle, twinkle little star.
_____________________________

Thanks JFK for showing me the way when things were dark for me -
You'll always be my star!

When I Come Around

2004-08-03T11:32:00.000+05:30

Ok, this GreenDay song reminds me of myself and my relationhip with my blogs (yes, I have two blogs and both are in shambles!!!) Not that I don't enjoy blogging - no thank you, but I really love blogging, writing and letting go... But it's not always that simple...

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that I am here, back again to toture you guys.. (That is assuming I have some readers!)

So let's see...

What do I do these days when I find some time from my quizzes and submissions and presentations... Read books??? Well, I sure can't sleep without reading a good few pages, but honestly most of the times I'm just too tired to concentrate on the words.

Reading is relaxing ... at the same time there's so much more to reading than just assimilating the words... A book is there to make you dream and imagine and run away to a different world, to make you wonder and think and go to places you've never been and see things you have never seen. But unfortunately I just usually am too tired to read as much as I would have liked to.

And so these days, I've been watching movies... Sometimes there's nothing like just switching your mind off and staring at some vague people on the screen... Of course, once in a while you come across a great movie that makes you think and feel.. Like 'Remember the Titans'... Wonderful movie! But then, as I said, only once in while and for the better part you just are looking at the shadows like an idiot (hence the term, idiot box, I expect)

Some times I wonder which affects me more - a good movie or a good book?

I know movies are easier to relate to.. to see.. but at the end of the day, a book is so much more vivid - where the mind can picture the way it wants things to be to appeal to the reader.. In fact I remember seeing the movie of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (Roald Dahl) ...

An excerpt from the book...

"There!" cried Mr. Wonka, dancing up and down and pointing his gold-topped cane at the great brown river. " It's all chocolate! Every drop of that river is hot melted chocolate of the finest quality. The very finest quality."...

What does a 10-year old reading this imagine??? Especially a 10-year old like I was - crazy about chocolate??? I'll tell you what I thought ... I thought of a river of the darkest brown bitter chocolate... falling in a gooey sticky thick viscous manner ... I'd imagine dipping my finger into the river.. just a little bit of my little finger and that would be enough to transport me to heaven...

For readers who imagine the same - NEVER EVER see the movie... Ugh! I feel so awful just thinging about it... Gimme my book any day... What do you guys have to say???

Good Golly!!

2004-07-22T20:44:00.000+05:30

There have been some major changes in my life - the most important of them being - I've turned a true-blood aunt!!! My sister, who got married last September, gave birth to a boy on July 22, 2004. His name is Sparsh - although he is more often referred to as Golly.

In celebration of the same, I've decided to open a new blog. I've read in MadShuks "Management of Creativity" that spartals help - and so, here I am to purge my mind of the trapped thoughts, to unleash the pent-up energy stored inside - to walk the ath of blogging towards introspection, self-discovery, through awareness bringing the unconscious into consciousness....

Hoo boy! That just shows how much I am caught up in the likes of Freudism and Gestalt... I guess my id needs an outlet too.. What better than letting words take over me again...?