Pantheism in my Soul

As I near this last lap of this this term, with just a few classes left... and a whole lot of exams, it takes me by surprise the way this term has rushed by without me knowing. I wish I knew where it's gone and how... But then I guess that's the marvel of Time: It rushes by when you don't watch it...

Strangely now that I am here sitting thinking about it - in spite of all the crazy mad rush, all I feel is mellow happiness of having had a great term.

I didn't go home at all.. Not even once. By my standards, and past track-record, this indeed is an acheivement - for the same girl who used to run away home every other weekend, didn't go home in almost 3 months...

And so how do I feel...??

I feel wonderful. I feel light, and blithe and happy and feel like dancing with joy. I feel like swaying to the rhythm over-taking me, giving in to the ever-lasting peace I found within.

This has been a time of exploration and I have found peace. This has been a time of coming to terms with myself, with all within and without... And I've found peace and life and joy and vibrant exuberance all in few moments of healing peace, as the I melted into the stars and the skies and cool air and became one with Nature. The green grass, the trembling leaf, the sliver of moon, the silver-tipped clouds... All beckon to me till I fuse into them

And then I want to scream with the sheer exhillaration of the moment and just wonder if I can ever give back to the world in some way some part of this calming splendour that I have found...

Reminds me of my one of my favourite poems...

"For oft when on my couch I lie,
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon the inward eye,
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils."

(William Wordsworth, Daffodils)

Today in the afternoon, I missed a class... And so I went for a walk. I ambled along the familiar road, feeling the wind against my face. The sky was cloudy, with the sun sometimes peeping through in a soft, pale, warm curtain... The wind was strong and raked the dry leaves tumultously... I could see the hills far away, a thin veil of white fog hung round it... And then there was the lush green... With the wind came a smell of earth, and I knew it was raining somewhere... The damp, sweet smell.. so familiar...

Reminded me of home, of hot summer days when the heat would build up into unbearable suffocation.. and then suddenly, from somewhere the rage of the wind would swoop in... Mastering the tall trees, the sturdy iron bill-boards it would play havoc... As I would rush to close the windows before the glass shattered into pieces, the sweet smell would come and fill my soul.. the sweet smell that would fill my soul, .. the sweet smell of two elements that make most earth... from which I have been born...

And cold rain would come slicing down... Large, pelting drops.. and sometimes I would skip onto the terrace, letting the first few drops of water wipe away the heat, the dust, the grime and clean me to the very soul... And then, while I would scramble back to my room after a holler from my mother, suddenly for a split-second the room with the flash of lightning... and the deep rumble would soon follow...

The glory of Nature in all her magnificence...

Right now, sitting here as I am, I'm listening to this Rabindra Sangeet. And as miraculous as the poems/songs of Tagore are, the song seems to re-echo the way I feel about nature… And so, I’d like to share the words with you. It’s a very well-known song… Just that it touches my soul… Here is the song:

"Boro aasha kore eshecchi go kaache deke lao, phirayo na janoni,
Deen-o-heen-e keho chaahe na, tumi taare raakhibe jaani go.
Aar aami je kicchu chaahi ne, charono tole boshe thaakibo,
Aar aami je kicchu chaahi ne, janoni bole shudhu daakibo,
Tumi na raakhile, griho aar paahibo kothaa,
Kende kende kotha beraabo?"

A translation for those who do not know the song or do not understand Bengali:

I've come to you with great hope - accept me. Don't turn me away, my mother. Nobody wants the poor, the sad, the fallen; but I know you will accept them and make them your own, and keep give them a place within your heart. I do not want any thing more than to be able to sit at your feet, worship you and call you 'mother'. If you do not keep me, where will I ever find a home, a place where I accepted? I will have to roam the world to find place for myself, where I am accepted, and where will I ever find such a place? I will never find such a place, and will forever remain hurt and crying.

May every soul find peace in Nature when he can’t find within.